Hello loves!
I can't believe it's only a week until Christmas. And only two weeks until the New Year.
Honestly, I feel like this year flew by. Like I woke up this morning and it had somehow jumped from May to December in one day. Don't get me wrong, I love the holiday season and the promise of a new year. A chance to start over with a clean slate.
I've been reflecting on all my goals for 2024. And while I accomplished a lot, perhaps more than I anticipated, I also feel like there were a lot of goals I didn't meet. Some were things just out of my control, or things that I've made progress on but haven't fully realized yet. But others were left undone simply because I didn't have the courage to try.
I let the worry of what other people would think hold me back. I let myself get frustrated with not perfecting something new on the first try (as if anyone ever gets it right at the beginning.) Mostly, though, I let the fear of failure kill my goals.
I've talked about a fear of failure on here a lot. It's something I've struggled with for pretty much my whole life. The amount of times I didn't take a chance, even ones that were low-risk, is kind of embarrassing. And sure, I can usually make some excuse for the times I sit on the sidelines or let my dreams slip away. "Too busy," "not the right time," "can't do it by myself," etc are all throwaway lines that my friends and family have heard from me more times than I'd like to admit. Sometimes it's true, but for the most part, all these 'barriers' holding me back from taking a risk feed into this one looming fear.
The fear of imperfection.
"To err is human" is a phrase we've all heard, and it's an accurate one. Humanity can be defined by it's mistakes. The one universal truth I think everyone can agree on is the fact that we all mess up. We're all figuring out this whole life thing one day at a time. With that in mind, we should have grace for ourselves and for each other right?
Yeah, makes sense on paper, but it's not like that in real life. People are so hard on themselves. They're hard on others. Some are just downright mean and get off on being cruel to those who are putting themselves out there and trying something new.
And I think people are like this because they don't want anyone to point out their own flaws.
Growing up, I always heard the platitudes of "bullies project their insecurities," "hurt people hurt people," and all the other ~have empathy~ catchphrases. (Empathy is so important by the way and it's alarming to see how much people willfully ignore it for their own self-interest.) All these sayings, while cheesy, are true to a certain degree.
And unfortunately, I don't think they stop being relevant once we leave the high school halls.
The difference is that as an adult, this self-defensiveness manifests in a different way. There are a lot of ways that people hide and protect their insecurities, but I've noticed 3 main ones: Self-deprecation (I call out my "flaws" first so no one else will) Holier than thou (I shout and point at what you're doing wrong so I look and feel better by comparison) and Jealous cynicism (I gave up because of my fears/fails, so I'm going to make sure you feel stupid for trying.)
A lot of people have decided to live their life staying in their lane and not rocking the boat. Which is fine, everyone should do what makes them happy. But what's not fine is when someone tries to go outside the status quo and gets beaten down for it. The potential of being the next one to take a chance, only to get burned at the first mistake, can kill a goal faster than anything else.
It can be the mocking voices around us or the even more sinister voices in our heads. The ones who make us equate "making a mistake" with "you are the mistake."
For better or worse, we live in a world that values success above all else. But the funny thing is success is so subjective. What is success? What makes your life successful?
Money? Power? A big family or your dream career? Traveling the world or creating roots?
When people talk about success, there's usually some carry over into making an impact on the world, but even that can't be measured. Vincent Van Gogh was never appreciated while he was alive, does that add to or detract from his "success?" We applauded Facebook at the beginning, but now everyone hates Meta and it's creator (not saying it's good to hate someone but. . .like I get it), so does that affect their legacy? Or what about the unnamed heroes who impacted some of history's greats? Their legacy carries through the ones they affected, but their own names are lost to time. Does that mean they weren't successful?
I don't think the success of a person's endeavors can or should be measured by others. A scientist who's experiment has "failed" multiple times might view each result as a success because they learned something new from it. A muscian who blows up and gets signed onto a label can seem "successful" to others, while they themselves can feel like they made a mistake for compromising their craft to make high-paying but souless music.
The quote I mentioned earlier was incomplete. The full saying is actually "To err is human; to forgive, divine."
And I think it's time we forgive our own imperfections.
We can't control how other people perceive us. We can't make cruel people less cruel, try though we might. And at the end of our lives, we can't decide whether the world sees us as successful or not.
But we can decide it for ourselves. We can forgive our faults and mistakes. We can accept our status as being falliable creatures. And we can allow ourselves to take a chance, knowing we'll probably not get it right at the beginning, while still enjoying the attempt.
So in 2025, when you're making your goals and resolutions, write down the things you've always wanted to try but were afraid to. Shoot for the dreams you've tried to make yourself forget about and get lost in the process of trying. It might be hard and messy and sometimes embarrasing, but that's the only way you'll make progress.
At the end of it all, it's your life to live. You're the one who determines if you lived to the fullest or not.
Your life won't be perfect, same as everyone else.
But the imperfections can be what makes it so, so beautiful.
I'll see y'all in the New Year <3
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."--2 Cor. 12:9-10
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