They say it has to get worse before it can get better.
And wow, if I'm not learning the truth behind that statement.
As some of you may know, I've recently moved to D.C. for graduate school. It's been a big change; I've physically left my friends, family (including my old dog), and basically any sense of familiarity to embark on a new adventure. I'm at an entirely new university, new apartment and even have a new puppy, as if being in a new city wasn't enough on it's own.
But it's so terrifying.
People that have seen me through the highs and lows of my life know that I hate change, and I especially hate a lot of it happening at once. I firmly believe change is healthy, sure, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. And with so many parts of my life changing all at once... yeah, me and change aren't on the best of terms right now.
The first real day of this new move was probably one of the most frustrating days of my life.
I'll spare the details, but between overwhelming class lectures, apartment 'miscommunications', and every bodily function that could come from a puppy, I was f**kin fed up (sorry, mom).
It was a lot of overwhelming things all on top of the already overwhelming move, and for a moment, I regretted ever changing things in my life.
When it rains, it pours, I guess.
I don't want this to be a depressing post, because it's not, but I do want to be candid. So yeah, moving is hard. Moving to a place where I know virtually no one (except for my amazing cousins!) with zero time between jet lag, unpacking and graduate school classes starting is super hard.
But it's also amazing.
Already, I've met such interesting people who I would never know without being here. I'm surrounded by professors and other students who all have an intense work ethic and desire to encourage and help each other, and it's awesome!
The apartment situation has made me have to be more independent and "adult" within the very first day. It may be rough and I do of course wish my small studio was Buckingham Palace instead, but I'm also surprisingly thankful that I'm facing these problems now. It's like I know that if I can handle this, then I can handle anything; You get a surprising amount of confidence after having to be assertive over email.
And even when Poe reacts the way all puppies seem to at the most inopportune times, I wouldn't want to be in our tiny studio without him. For every midnight potty run or throw-up incident on my carpet, he makes up for it by being my biggest supporter in the city.
So right now I'm learning to focus on the little positive moments, even when the sky is dark and grey and rumbling. Instead of allowing myself to be blinded by the rain, I'm going to intentionally look away, say a prayer, and probably rewatch that same pirate show on HBO with a glass of wine and chocolate.
The good and the bad go hand in hand to create a rich, complicated life that has silver linings for every bump in the road. I don't regret moving to D.C. (despite what I may have cried in the phone after seeing a cockroach). I still miss my friends and family so much and the past of my life, but that doesn't negate how excited I am for this new chapter.
It's not easy.
It won't be easy.
That doesn't mean it won't be any less worth it.
"Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you." Proverbs 4:25